First of all it's funny to be 20 yrs old and in college. I remember being in the 6th grade and simply wanting to be "famous" for something like creating a Barbie lol. Still desire that fame, but now for something more serious like music or having a successful NPO. But that's beside the point...
I've been thinking about being in love and loving someone and I'm wondering: Is it worth it? I want to say it is and a month ago there would have been no doubt that it was. But...I don't know. I'm unsure, now. It's like this: you give your heart to someone and you become as vulnerable as you can only to end up losing them. Is that fair? I've watched someone I love go from loving me unconditionally to hating me ultimately in the last few weeks. We went from good to bad in a matter of seconds for something neither of us did. Make sense? Never did to me either.
I want to hate him, too. I can't. I wake up in the middle of the night almost in tears thinking about him. And, ironically, I want to call him to quiet my fears. What do you do when the person you used to call if you were scared, hurt or confused is now the reason you're scared, hurt and confused? How do you deal? He was my sanity for so long. No one knew how much I loved him except for him, which is why I can't understand how he could just let me go like he did. He dropped me and began to despise me so quickly. I guess he wasn't who I thought he was.
I thought he was "the one". I thought I had found my husband and I'm sure he thought he'd found his wife. However, neither of us did. I want to be optimistic and say there is a possibility that we'll get back together, but I just know there isn't. He is happy to be by himself now...or so he makes me believe. He has a million girls who would love to be with him. And that's the part that burns me.
Love. It's the impossible thing to conquer. Those who succeed really don't win. They just find a way to manage. I don't quite know if I'm capable of managing with anyone else. We worked for so long. But now I'm figuring out how to let life continue without him. How I'm going to pick back up and live my life. Go on and just be myself. Funny. Strange even, without him.
That's life huh? Throws stuff at you and hopefully you dodge it. I didn't quite dodge the blow, but I'm recovering.
Later kids.
Love.Live.Music
Mwa
I've been thinking about being in love and loving someone and I'm wondering: Is it worth it? I want to say it is and a month ago there would have been no doubt that it was. But...I don't know. I'm unsure, now. It's like this: you give your heart to someone and you become as vulnerable as you can only to end up losing them. Is that fair? I've watched someone I love go from loving me unconditionally to hating me ultimately in the last few weeks. We went from good to bad in a matter of seconds for something neither of us did. Make sense? Never did to me either.
I want to hate him, too. I can't. I wake up in the middle of the night almost in tears thinking about him. And, ironically, I want to call him to quiet my fears. What do you do when the person you used to call if you were scared, hurt or confused is now the reason you're scared, hurt and confused? How do you deal? He was my sanity for so long. No one knew how much I loved him except for him, which is why I can't understand how he could just let me go like he did. He dropped me and began to despise me so quickly. I guess he wasn't who I thought he was.
I thought he was "the one". I thought I had found my husband and I'm sure he thought he'd found his wife. However, neither of us did. I want to be optimistic and say there is a possibility that we'll get back together, but I just know there isn't. He is happy to be by himself now...or so he makes me believe. He has a million girls who would love to be with him. And that's the part that burns me.
Love. It's the impossible thing to conquer. Those who succeed really don't win. They just find a way to manage. I don't quite know if I'm capable of managing with anyone else. We worked for so long. But now I'm figuring out how to let life continue without him. How I'm going to pick back up and live my life. Go on and just be myself. Funny. Strange even, without him.
That's life huh? Throws stuff at you and hopefully you dodge it. I didn't quite dodge the blow, but I'm recovering.
Later kids.
Love.Live.Music
Mwa
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