Directions

He's back and I love it.
I love him and everything. He does it.
He kisses, touches, reminds me of why I lovee him.
And everytime I love it.
I love it.
I love it.

Life is so crazy right now. I missed one of my bestfrieds' birthday for something I didn't really want! I am back loving him--yes him-- after I swore not to ever again. I'm in a place I don't want to be right now and I'm seriously praying for direction. God knows I need it!

Is it my fault that I can't focus on this career? Do I just lack focu all together? I don't know, but it's starting to look that way. It's starting to feel like I can't seem to make up my mind about anything and I'm fed up with it. Why don't I know where I want to be in five years? In all actuality I want to be at home with my parents! I don't want to grow up. There. I said it. I'm afraid of growing up. I'm afraid of being on my own, alone. I don't want to do it. I wish I were still in the 10th grade where the hardest decision I had to make was who was gonna take me to prom. I hate this. I hate that I thought life was so hard then and took a lot of it for granted. I look back and wish I would have done more, seen more and experienced more. I wish I could have afforded to take risks or at least acknowledged that I could. I hate that I'm without experiences and that I'm lacking the confidence to enter this life of adulthood and thrive. I'm afraid I'll never get married and end up alone forever.

I'm afraid. I don't know how not to be. I don't know what to do to get over it. I just know that I have to get past it. I have to get away from it! I have to find a way to deal with it. I have to. I have to. God I know I've done SOOOO much wrong, but I pray you hear me and show me the way.

Later kids.

Love.Live.Music



Mwa